Stuck in cement

Pic courtesy of the tubes. 

Prague has a Jewish quarter.

Well, based on size it's more like a Jewish eighth.

Which reminds me -- I had a dream that I was writing a screenplay/was in a movie about Zack Greinke or Josh Johnson or some other pitcher coming back from a layoff and having to face Eddie Gaedel in the first inning. Of course everyone already knew of that famous matchup, but my job was to focus the movie more on the pitcher rather than No. 1/8. I had some ideas ...

Anyway, there's a synagogue which, due to sloppy hearing/translation, is called the Old New Synagogue. Seems like something out of Futurama.

Then there's the story of Golem. No, not LOTR nonsense -- rather, it's rabbi nonsense. Lazy rabbi created this creature -- the Golem of Prague -- to do his bidding. One night he forgot to put creature back to stony sleep. So Golem went nuts and tore the town apart. Apparently Mary Shelley was inspired by this story, and it also was part of a Simpsons episode.

Golem, in his stony state, apparently still is locked away in the synagogue, (hopefully) never to be reawakened.

There are several other synagogues here, plus a well-preserved (but tiny and crazy) cemetery -- and other buildings. Why everything survived WWII? Hitler was planning to create a museum here to an extinct race. How'd that work out for ya, Adolf?

Anyway, next day -- my last in Prague -- I go to check out the cemetery. Because Prague wouldn't give the Jews more room to expand the cemetery, they had to build up and bury bodies/coffins on top of one another, creating a crazy/uneven plot of crooked tombstones. It allegedly provided some inspiration for the memorial in Berlin.

So I arrive. They charge admission. Fine, whatev. But wait -- you can't just buy admission for the cemetery, but rather for four or five sites in the Jewish hood. I have neither the time nor the interest to see all this stuff, but they shoot down everyone who asks for just a cemetery ticket.

And seeing as how I walked halfway around the place looking for a vantage point, only to find nothing, seemed I had little choice.

Fine, I'll pay.

Sorry, no credit cards.

Crap.

Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins - he's only 3 ft tall. Similar to Eddie Gaedel.

I wander around for 10-15 minutes looking for an ATM. There's a high-end shopping area nearby, but no ATMs to be found. As if they look down upon carrying such silly little amounts of cash.

Finally find an ATM. Get back to cemetery, buy my way in, rush through it, nearly knocking kids from tour group into tombstones. Which actually was fun.

Wild place. Glad I saw it.

The path leads you to a street exit, but the adjoining building (one of the 37 places covered by my mega-admission ticket) was said to have paintings/drawings done by children while they were in a concentration camp. Apparently a woman started teaching art as a way to distract the kids. I was curious to see.

So instead of going to exit, I wind my way back through path, dodging tour groups, and reach main entrance (next to building I wanted to see). It's closed. With an iron gate. I ask someone how to get out. They say go all the way through the cemetery.

Crap.

So I do, dodging tourists again. And it lets me out halfway around the block, meaning I have to book back to entrance.

Why? Because my train back to Berlin isn't all that much later, and I also had been wanting to cross a famous bridge and perhaps get a better view of the Prague castle. But this escapade was wasting all of my time.

So on way back to entrance, I'm passing a bunch of street-side merchants. One couple asks one of the trinket sellers why some menorahs have nine candles and others seven. She says she doesn't know and leaves to ask someone else.

Sigh.

I stop and explain the difference between a Chanukah menorah (Chanukiah) and a standard one. They ask what religion it is for.

"Um, Judaism." Der.

Guy explains he knows that -- wants to know significance of the nine-pronged candelabra.

Ahh, the story of Chanukah. I tell it in about 18 seconds. Hit the high points. Regaining my creds, Gennady!

I resume trip back to the cemetery entrance and pass not one but two small vantage points to the cemetery. No, they weren't great views, but had I seen them earlier this whole charade might not have happened. Argh.

Finally I get back to the entrance but decide I don't even want to go in. I try to give away -- for free -- my admission ticket, which still is good for every other Jewsite in the 'hood, save for the cemetery.

No takers. Stuck with this ticket I didn't even want to buy. I'm totally getting Jewe... Eh, never mind.

So I go in. It's a synagogue. With no art from little kids. Apparently that's in the museum part, which is closed.

Son of a ...

Just to be spiteful, I surreptitiously take a pic in a no-photo area. Of course, that pic got washed away (karma?), but more on that later.

Shine on you crazy Diamond.

Finally leave -- though I do pick up cool souvenirs (Golem, clock, another clock) for me and 'rent and step-'rent -- and head to the famous bridge that tourists "have" to cross in order to rub a plaque for good luck. But only one part of plaque. Not the dog part, which is bad luck. According to yesterday's crazy tour guide.

I'm on my way. Guy tries to get me to go to opera. Oprah? Maybe. Opera? Nah.

I say no and keep walking. Then I realize I made wrong turn. Pass him again. I wave him off again, though he was a bit more persistent this time.

Start going to bridge, realize I'm going to miss train if I don't head to station right then. Argh. Fine. No bridge, no castle. I turn around and head to the subway, passing opera man one more time.

He sees me, smiles, holds up 1, 2, 3 fingers as he says, "uno, dos, tres!"

I don't think I even used the "lo siento" thing on him.

Anyway, get to train station. Train back to Berlin. Get off train. Head to escalator. There's a line. Old guy in front of me sees me considering heading left (where the fast walkers go) and blocks me. I laugh out loud. He turns and looks at me. When we get to escalator he goes right, I pass on left and am gone, yo.

In all, Prague worth another look. Maybe full two days. Interesting history, some cool sights. One iteration of this trip had me there for five days. That would have been overkill. Urge Overkill. Sister Havana -- you'll be a woman soon.

Never heard of Neil Young?! What about Neil Diamond?

Turn on your heart light, ET.

Ohhhh... Almost forgot. Kafka was from here. I think Oxnard of Saturn mentions him in a song ...