Czeching out

Clocks. Pic from the interweb tubes.

I shouldn't even pun up that country name. Lame on my part. Czech canceled.

One-day/overnight trip to Prague.

I go to main Berlin train station. Point to ticket and train, ask conductor if this is Prague.

"No, this is Berlin," he said. "The train goes to Prague."

Funny Germans.

Prague. Get there just in time for walking tour. Starts right near the famous astrological clock, which our very amusing tour guide claims is the second-most overrated tourist attraction in the world. First? Mona Lisa. Third? Zzyzx Rd.

Still, give the clock -- which has crazy amounts of dialing and clocking going on -- its due. It was the iPod of its day. According to amusing tour guide.

Then a fake wedding shoot (real photo shoot, fake wedding) comes by. They want to use our group for photo of throwing/catching bouquet. So the ladies line up, the fake bride tosses, some lady catches. I complain about the lack of garter. The guys rally behind me. Then I remember my sister's wedding, when the garter fell to the floor between me, my brother and my cousin -- equidistant to all three. We all backed away -- though cousin Dave and I apparently slightly more quickly than Mike. Mike got stuck with it. And he was the next Baum sib to get married (really, would have been odd if he hadn't been), so maybe it worked.

Anyway, back to Czechs and clocks. There is a list of 365 names (or is it 366?) corresponding to every day of the calendar. So Czechs basically celebrate two birth-related days: actual birthday and name day. The catch? You have to name your kid one of those names -- or go through the trouble of going to court to get permission not to.

At least there are 365 choices. Some guy on the tour was saying that in some part of Africa, the same practice is followed -- but only for days of the week. Seven choices for guys, seven for girls.

It's even worse for whatever planet/dimension the evil dudes in Buckaroo Banzai were from. One name for all of 'em. He fell on his head. Bummer.

So we were taken around Prague and shown some historic and/or architecturally interesting sites. And we were told that the Czechs overthrew one evil regime by defenestrating the entire council.

Defenestrate? What could that mean?

Our tour guide asked. I was the only person who knew -- or at least the only one to admit it.

It's to throw someone out a window.

Considering I had done so when I was 3 or 4, I should know plenty about the subject.

Mom/Dad: "Jonathan, did you draw on the wall?!"
Me: "No, my (imaginary) friend Tickeroo did it. I took his crayons and threw him out the window."

The Czechs also put spikes on the ground outside the window, so the defenestratees were kaput upon contact. Years later the Czechs would try this again, but they forgot the spikes. So some of the council survived and claimed divine intervention in order to win public support.

This country used to be known as Bohemia. I had no idea. Feel like a fake claiming I have some Bohemian look these days -- though I do often look like I've just been thrown out a window.

What else ...

Mozart. He came here, did some conducting and composing. The folks loved him. Was Beatlemania of the 18th century (says tour guide).

My sister-in-law wants a $125 hair dryer. Just sharing.

There's a statue of someone named Anna. Might be related to Mozart somehow. Tour guide points out that the statue is not of Emperor Palpatine. OK, she said "the emperor from Star Wars," but still solid. Had she named him, I might have run back to start of tour, found the garter and proposed on the spot.

Something something something dark side.

Which would have been pointless, as she no longer was at that spot.

Back around WWII, the Russians/Soviets were getting ready to invade. They decided to wait until midnight one night, as that's when the Czechs shut down the radio and basically called it a night. Makes invading easier.

Problem is, the Russians didn't account for the Czechs not being on Daylight Savings Time (or no longer being on it? I don't recall). They invaded at 11.

Plenty of time to a) warn the citizens, b) remove tons of "this way to Prague" signs, c) get the citizens to prank the invaders by lying about what town they are in, and more.

It made the invasion last days, apparently. Messed 'em up nice. But they still were overtaken.

Years later some student set himself on fire to protest the Communist rule. Years after that another one did. Symbols of citizens yearning for end of occupation(s).

Eventually, when the wall came down, Czechoslovakia gained its freedom. It was called the Velvet Revolution, as there was no fighting -- it was smooth as velvet. A few years later the Velvet Divorce occurred. The sides decided to start seeing other countries, splitting up into Slovakia and the Czech Republic.

Czechs drink the most beer per capita in the world. And the "Where is my home" anthem is symbolic of their long fight for freedom and their drunken stumbling toward home each night. At least according to the tour guide, who at this point might just be messing with us.

What else... there's a museum that's closed, but Mission Impossible and Casino Royale were shot there. And some Vin Diesel movie, maybe? And another old building that's a great place to see classical music and Oprah. I swear that's what she said.

Walk by a guy playing "My Way" on accordion. Some Welsh guy starts humming along. Then he says, "That's 'My Way'. Elvis."

I wanted to hit him. Of course, I wanted to hit him as soon as I heard his stupid accent, but that wouldn't have been berry mice. And I suppose the accordion player might have been performing Elvis' version. Maybe. Whatever.

I have no idea if he was even Welsh. But he had an annoying voice. And those Welsh kids on first Baum's Away blog soured me, apparently.

Does "Czech cuisine" sound like "jacuzzi" at all? Some guys on the street thought it did. They were disappointed when they entered the restaurant.

I drank beer. Czech beer. Few different kinds. Was good. One was a honey beer. Pubs not as friendly as those in Baltics, but still all good.

There's a story about the wifi in the hotel. Also one about renegade elevators. I really don't feel like telling them. Instead, I'll conclude with this...

Brother: "Don't buy the hair dryer just yet. We'll figure this out."
Sis-in-law: "What? That was a totally bizarre comment. I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."