Cave in, glacier out

Unto the breach! Unto? Into? Tutu?

Spe-lunk-ing.

I may or may not have slept in on Sunday, Day 5 in Iceland. But I probably did, therefore missing the walking tour. And recovering from previous evening. You know, the lost glove -- very traumatizing.

Get on the bus. Driver says, "I am your driver and guide to the cave and into the cave. Well, I'm not going to drive into the cave."

He laughs. Most of us chuckle. I'm not laughing because he's funny -- I'm laughing because he is amusing himself. Is this how people respond to my "humor"?

So these caves -- also called lava tubes. Lava/magma burned these holes, they dried up, hence caves. Longest cave in Iceland? 1,800 meters. Shortest? "Well, it depends what you say is a cave and is not a cave but just a hole in the ground," says our driver.

Nobody is laughing now.

Me: "Could you repeat that last part?"

Him: "Which part?"

Me: "About the cave?"

Silence. 

Me: "Come inside my pretty, pretty pain cave."

Awkward silence.

The roads have "no tractor" signs (as opposed to not having any tractor signs). I kept trying to get pics of them, but it's difficult b/c from one's passenger perspective, they come up fast. Unless you are on a tractor. Which you shouldn't be. Look at the damn sign.

Roundabounds.

There are racks along the roads. A fellow tourist asked driver what they were. They are racks for drying fish (had no idea fish would even want such amenities). These fish in particular are drying and being prepared to be sold to Nigeria. Seriously.

Did I mention the boiling sheep hats? The driver said hats are made of wool and sheepskin, then hairs are pulled out and hat is boiled. Or something like that. It was confusing. 

Speaking of ill-tasting shark, apparently upon a trip to Iceland, Mick Jagger was offered a bite of the delicacy. He spit it out. A local picked it up, put it in plastic bag and saved it -- eventually donating it to a pop music museum. 

*If you'd like a punchline about "of all the things Mick Jagger has put in his mouth/body ...", press 1

*If you'd like a punchline about "doing it Frank Sinatra's way (or Paul Anka's way, to be slightly more arcane), press 2

*If you'd like a punchline comparing shark to Bjork's music, press 3

*If none of the above, to hell with ya.

Cave.

Oh, the cave. Right. It was a cave. They got us all geared up -- literally. Orange safety suits, hardhats w/what passes for a flashlight, gloves... we were stylin'. It was a cool experience. Lots of tough places to navigate, some small crawl spaces, some exhausting climbing. But groovy.

But maybe not as groovy as they think?

The driver raved about this being among the best caves because it had so many different geological formations -- which it did. But I think I might have been in a cave as a kid and remember it differently. Or I just watched too much SciFi/Fantasy stuff. I guess I expected more from a cave. Underground river, giant cavern, shiny stalactites and stalagmites all over the place, sleeping Orcs or dragons that must be navigated carefully and quietly, only for the last person in line to accidentally kick over one pebble, thus waking the beasty up and causing chaos to ensue.

This wasn't like that. 

There were only a couple of stalagmites, and they were maybe 18" tall at the most. Similar story from the top. Actually, one stalagmite was broken/stolen, so they put a fake one in its place. Sad that cave can be looted, but it's open to anyone at any time. Take the good with the bad, I guess. You take 'em both and there you have ... a bite of shark. A bite of shark.

All that said, lots of very cool formations and smoothiness wall features (and a chandelier of sorts) all caused by magma. Mag-ma. And at one point deep underground we all turned out the lights to experience tooooootal darkness. It was eerie/cool. Until some idiot accidentally turned on his camera and lit the place up.

Oops.

KHAN!

There were some animal bones down there. Driver asked what we thought they were. I said wooly mammoth, I think. Fun Aussie guy followed with elephant. Maybe? Big animals that it clearly wasn't. I don't even remember the examples. It doesn't matter -- nor did it then. The driver said, "no, it's a sheep."

As we approached the end of the cave, we had a choice to go back from whence we came, or to continue forward and be subjected to a tight passage that required several meters of crocodile crawling. One woman wanted no part of it. She already was feeling a bit claustrophobic and wanted to leave. The guide/driver/self-amusing post-modern humorist asked if she could find way out. She said yes.

Really?

I suggested that we'd be OK waiting a few minutes (the other 5-6 of us) while he guided her out. He ignored me. Which, granted, often is the correct manner in which to deal with me, but not in this case. So he sent the woman on her way and we continued on ours.

Navy Seals this ain't. More like a '00's era unfunded mandate setting idiot standards for education and forcing teachers to teach to tests, punishing struggling schools that need the most help. Yep, just like that.

So we eventually emerge from the cave. The woman had made it out. The scenery around the cave is lovely. I take many pics (I also got some pretty good ones in the cave -- I know how to not use a flash! One person -- the scared woman, actually -- said she could tell I was a good photographer based on how I framed the shot of her and her family they had me take. I credited sis Laurie. And said I'm only good with this type of camera. Anything more advanced is wasted on me. Like a high bar I cannot clear, an expectation I cannot meet. Thanks a whole freakin' lot, lady. Got me all depressed. Hey, I've got a small cave crawl space to show ya ...).

Tractors ain't kosher. But you get a bonus pig! Wait ...

I chose this cave expedition over the glacier walk/hike. The latter might have been more interesting in some respects, but I almost certainly would have collapsed in a coughing fit. Next time -- when throat/lungs are feeling more cooperative. And to be sure, glad I spelunked. Was a fun cave, not a pain cave. Except when forced to crawl on knees. That hurt a little.

Anyway, we go back to town. And I think I did quick version of the walking tour! And I ate somewhere that had wacky food. I think this was all that day. 

See, the sign would approach more slowly from one's perspective if he/she were on a tractor rather than a bus. But therein lies the problem. Capiche?