I once owned a map store

"Because you don't have a bottom."

Once upon a time, Kathryn acquired an upside-down map of the world. Or, a map portraying the world as upside-down. From how we're used to seeing it.

South is up, North is down, rebels are happy -- capiche?

The map was purchased in/delivered to California (this, for various reasons, made more sense than having it sent to Germany -- at least that's what we thought). I then attempted to send it to her. Also included in the packaging were vitamins.

The Germans apparently didn't like this. They held the mailing tube up at customs rather than sending it through to her apartment.

Kathryn didn't make it to customs on time, so the Germans sent it back to me. It took a few months to finally reach Santa Monica again.

Before this trip I finally tried to send it again -- this time w/o vitamins. Just a big piece of paper in a tube.

Again, the Germans don't like it. They hold it up at customs. A little more than a year after its first trip there. Kathryn, sensing some pranking on my part, asks me repeatedly what else I put in there.

"It's a map!," I proclaim.

Wackiness.

Then I make her watch the appropriate Admiral Ackbar clip.

Kathryn asks again. And again. No really, just a map. Many Bothans died for this map.

So she drags me along to try to get the map. Customs asks her what's in the tube. She says a map. They ask what it's doing in customs. She says she has no idea. A portrait of old Al Franken the German customs agent hangs above. I'd include a picture, but it's on my iPhone -- which still is residing in a bag of rice.

We go to the people holding the map. Kathryn explains what has happened -- again they don't understand why they have a map. My theory is that the Germans don't want this upside-down world propaganda getting out. If CJ on West Wing couldn't comprehend it, nobody can.

Anyway, partly just for kicks, Kathryn introduces "Herr Baum" -- the guy who sent the map from the States who now is standing in front of them in Germany. They are amused. Less so when they discover I don't speak German, but being introduced to Mr. Tree probably had some inherent comedic value for them. Still, I was annoyed they didn't recognize me from my map store days.

Wackiness.

Amused or not, they still need to open the tube to check what is inside. Kathryn tries to undo the packing tape, but it is proving difficult. One of the German custom agents suggests cutting the tube in half -- but of course that would result in splitting the map. "It'd be just like the wall was back," he said (in German).

Funny. For a German.

Finally, tube opened. It's a damn map. Germans let Kathryn have it. The map, I mean. So 13-14 months after sending it to Germany the first time, I got to be there to witness Kathryn finally get it.

Then she left it at a friend's house. Who I asked to secretly send the map back to me.

Maybe it keeps getting delayed by the whole upside-down planet thing.